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Man, when Little Debbie isn’t making us fat, she’s making us fatter!
Little Debbie Ice Cream
It’s official: Little Debbie now has a bigger presence in your kitchen than you do…
As if your pantry wasn’t already a permanent home to Ms. Debbie’s snack cakes (how DID those get in there, anyway?), your lunch box has now invaded your freezer too thanks to NINE new Little Debbie Ice Creams that are here to absolutely destroy your diet:
- Oatmeal Creme Pies ice cream.
- Cosmic Brownies ice cream.
- Zebra Cakes ice cream.
- Honey Buns ice cream.
- Strawberry Shortcake Rolls ice cream.
- Swiss Rolls ice cream.
- Nutty Bars ice cream.
The new treats are made by Hudsonville Ice Cream – a brand that’s been around since 1926 that you might not have heard of until February 1st when seven of these Little Debbie Ice Creams showed up on your Facebook feed and instantly gave all of your fat deposits an erection.
And just when you finished those, they added two more.
For a limited-time only, the two flavors joining the lineup are:
- Unicorn Cakes ice cream.
- Star Crunch ice cream.
The ice creams are available exclusively at Walmart, where they’ll be available year-round for just $2.50 a pint!
This review is part of a series. Today’s Little Debbie Ice Cream is:
Little Debbie Star Crunch Ice Cream
According to Hudsonville, Little Debbie Star Crunch Ice Cream features caramel ice cream paired perfectly with thick fudge and choco crispies for a stellar, out-of-this-world taste.
When they first announced the initial lineup of Little Debbie ice creams, Star Crunch was the glaring omission for me. Sure, I may not have had one in 22 years, but they were a fundamental building block to my very obese childhood. I used to think of them as spiky little chocolate hamburgers, which is what you do when you’re fat.
While an actual Little Debbie Star Crunch puts chocolate at the forefront, the Little Debbie Star Crunch ice cream flips the script and puts caramel first. The ice cream isn’t rich and creamy (remember, it’s only $2.50 a pint), but I’ll give it credit for having a decent caramel flavor in each bite. I actually think it might have more distinct caramel presence than, say, Ben & Jerry’s caramel ice cream. Again, not bad for a fraction of the price.
The chocolate coated rice crisps and fudge swirl add plenty of chocolate flavor, too. It’s satisfying to bite into the rice crisps, which are neither too hard nor too soft. The total product tastes way more like a Star Crunch than its composition led me to believe.
That said, there are just way more intriguing ice creams than caramel with chocolate things inside. Had this included both premium ice cream and a more decadent chocolate, I would probably buy it again. But a lot of the appeal of Star Crunch is just straight fisting it to your face, and the ice cream is missing that fun factor.
In summary, I’m off to go buy some Star Crunch, make a fort in my basement, and play Mario Kart all night.
- Which Mario Kart were you fat for? The first three.
- Who was your character? The fat ones.
- But weren’t they the slowest? Listen they were just going through some shit, ok?
Place of Purchase: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
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